But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
