Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
