My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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