She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
