Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
