if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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