plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
