My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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