I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
