I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
