He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
