I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you never un-have a 4some
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
