Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They took my balls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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