She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
