dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
