I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
