Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize