I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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