Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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