theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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