he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
smell my finger.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
