Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize