the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
