After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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