they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
