everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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