Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
