Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
porn star boner night. come get it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
