Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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