people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
