two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Randomize
