Just fell off a train. Bad.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
