If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
