Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
