I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
