just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
