If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
