Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
