Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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