meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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