Barsexuality is the new black.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
