my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
