All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
