She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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