So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
