sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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