I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Houston, we have a blender
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
how drunk are you?
Several
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
