woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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