Do you still have your period?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
