I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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