Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
