dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We need a shit load of segways right now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
