just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
