I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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