1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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