You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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