shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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