I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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