You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
