Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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