he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
