Those balls look pretty dangerous.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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