I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
