i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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