We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
