she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
