That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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