I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is wine microwaveable?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
